Single point of failure

During Mrs Saul’s absence I’ve been pretty good at cooking for myself rather than ordering takeaway.
Tonight was different – my planned trip to our favourite Indian grill to enjoy their delicious mutton seekh kebabs was put on hold due to an unexpected conf call in the middle of the evening. Since I was all fired up for some kebab deliciousness, I ordered a takeaway instead.
There seems to be a common theme amongst Dubai’s resturants when it comes to deliveries. Even if the restraurant relies on deliveries for most of its trade, the same business plan is always in place. I find it completely baffling.
1. Always make sure the guy on the phone is the least able to communicate in any language. It goes without saying that the person you entrust with a large portion of your revenue should be the most junior and incompetent member of your staff.
2. Make sure that the customer tells at least three different people what his location is. Make sure that whoever’s talking to the customer doesn’t write any useful location information down, however. Simply shout ‘go left at circle?’ or ‘signal straight?’ at random intervals, then pass the phone to someone else with no prior warning.
3. What little location information that has been gleaned from the customer should be kept a secret from the delivery boy (actually a middle-aged man with a moustache who has not been a boy for thirty years or so). This should mean that the delivery boy has to call the customer whilst driving his motorbike, repeating the entire location discussion whilst he drives past each exit he needs to take.
4. Make sure something’s missing or wrong in the order. (No mutton kebabs for me – chicken instead. Poor me).
5. Make sure the delivery boy has no change whatsoever, apart from a torn 5Dh note stuck together with sellotape.
This grill makes fantastic food. It is truly first class and is extremely good value for money. Sadly, despite having been in business since 1971, they still haven’t cracked the delivery side of their business!

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One Response to “Single point of failure”

  1. Riz Says:

    When I heard about the mixed up order I said the only correct course of action would be to throw the food on the floor and storm out of there…and then I learned that you had ordered in.

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